What Happens At Hogwarts
by SwiftWhiteWolf
Summary: FemRemus X Severus. Gender-reversed James, Lily, Sirius, Peter, and Bellatrix. Lupin is a prankster with an open heart and mind. Snape is a stubborn, shy dungeon bat who develops a crush. Dumbledore tries to reign in the troublesome Marauders. Peeves makes mischief for all. Hilarity ensues and strange friendships form. Set in sixth year while they attend Hogwarts as students.
1. The Misfit Marauder

**What Happens at Hogwarts…**

Chapter One: The Misfit Marauder

Remus Lupin had been walking down the hall at a leisurely pace, heading towards the library to drop some borrowed books off when she heard someone stub their toe and swear quietly behind her. The sixteen year old had previously thought the corridor empty, and so turned to look over her shoulder in curiosity. Still the hallway appeared empty. Remus sniffed as a light afternoon breeze came in through a nearby window.

"Severus Snape, are you following me around again?" The Gryffindor asked, taking a few steps back towards the dungeons, where her last class of the day had just ended moments before. No response came and she sniffed again, following her nose. Remus frowned, wondering not for the first time why Snape had been apparently stalking her since the school year had begun. At first she had thought the Slytherin student had been following all of the Marauders, waiting for a time to strike and exact some kind of revenge for all the pranks Remus`s friends had played on him. He hadn`t really done much to get back at them though, so what was he really up to? Remus frowned thoughtfully as she spoke again.

"I know you`re here. I can`t see you, but I can smell you. Since you`re making me guess, I`d say it`s likely one of three things you`re using to hide. One option would be an invisibility charm, but since you suck dishwater at illusion magic that wouldn`t be my first choice." Lupin paced towards a suit of armor she though a likely hiding place. As the other teen`s scent was stronger in this direction, she knew she was on the right path.

"Being as talented at potion making as you are, it wouldn`t be much of a stretch for you to use an invisibility potion. One the other hand, almost all invisibility potions require either spearmint or sunflower oil to create, and you don`t smell of either. Discounting those possibilities, I have to guess that you`re the one who snagged Jamie`s invisibility cloak from the confiscated items locker in Filch`s office. Is that about right?" Lupin inquired of the seemingly empty air next to the suit of armor. She rolled her eyes when still no answer came. Reaching forward with the hand that wasn`t holding the strap of her beat up messenger bag on her shoulder, Remus`s fingertips brushed something silky and unseen in front of her.

Sixteen year old Snape`s pulse was in his throat as Lupin seemed to pinpoint his hiding place. How could she have known he was there so easily? _Bloody hell,_ he thought, _I should have used a scent eliminating potion._ Severus hadn`t forgotten that Lupin was a werewolf, but neither had he thought to take her keen sense of smell in to account when spying on her. _Idiot._ He grumbled mentally to himself. Severus wasn`t about to give himself away directly; he could hear footsteps and voices from just around the corner at the end of the corridor. Perhaps if he held still and could remain undetected for just a few more moments Lupin would walk away. He was sure she didn`t want to be seen talking to thin air like some sort of loon. The dark haired boy all but stopped breathing when Remus reached out and felt the invisible barrier of her friend`s stolen cloak. _I`m toast._ He recognized the people about to turn the corner by the sound of their voices: Jamie Potter, Serenity Black, and Patricia Pettigrew. The three sixth years happened to be some of Remus`s best friends. They called themselves "The Marauders" and had made his life royally unpleasant with their pranks over the last few years at school. They were the last people he wanted to see, and if they found out he was here they would probably play some sort of horrible trick on him. The way he saw it; Snape only had two options. One: run as fast as he could for the hills and book his way out of there. Or two: convince Remus to leave him alone and go on her way with the other girls. He couldn`t see being able to outrun all of them if they decided to pick on him again. But he also wasn`t going to beg for mercy from the same person who had almost torn his arm off as a bloodthirsty beast towards the end of last year.

"Get lost Lupin! I wasn`t spying on you, I was hiding from your little entourage!" Severus hissed angrily, hoping his tone would be enough to intimidate her. He couldn`t really blame her for not being scared of a disembodied whisper when that failed, and she snickered.

"Sure you were. Are you going to show your face and tell me the truth or do I have to come under there after you?" Remus asked him quietly, her dark chocolate colored eyes twinkling with mischief. She snagged the edge of the cloak and pulled it up to reveal the pale young man`s face underneath. He was glaring daggers at her but the effect wasn`t as frightening as it should have been, given the fact that he had a faint embarrassed blush tinting his cheeks.

"Piss off. Why don`t you go hang out with your girlfriends and find some second years to make miserable?" Snape growled at her, mortified and beyond frustrated at his own lack of forethought. From down the hall the footfalls were growing louder; the other Marauders must have been seconds away from stepping around the corner and spotting them both.

"Hey, Moony should be coming this way right about now. You guys should help me get back at her for putting that dye in my shampoo this morning! Let`s pull a little prank…" Serenity`s words sounded mischievously ahead of her.

"How about we douse her with a floating bucket of ice water?" Jamie Potter suggested. She was always game for a good laugh, even if it happened to be at one of her friend`s expenses. The raven haired seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team was a bundle of trouble. Following the other girls` lead, Pettigrew chortled mirthfully.

"Not a chance in Hell." Remus whispered, abruptly ducking under the cloak as well. Her mouth was suddenly very close to Snape`s ear, as her height put her eyes at about mouth level with him. The cloak itself was big enough to accommodate them both, but only just. The Slytherin potions prodigy flushed darkly when he realized that the two of them were now barely an inch apart. His heart thudded frantically, partly from panic and partly from the fact that she was a cute girl and he was a single guy, and they were both teenagers with hormones. A tingle shot up Severus`s spine as Remus breathed against the lobe of his ear;

"I`ll make you a deal: you let me hide here and I`ll make them go away. Sound fair?"

"How`re you going to manage that, Loony?" Snape jibed at her to cover his rising embarrassment.

"I`m going to prank them before they can prank me, of course. I`ll get them to fall for their own trick." She replied deviously with a smirk Snape couldn`t see but knew she was wearing by her tone. "Let`s start with a distraction." The werewolf muttered an incantation and caused a vase on a pedestal to crash to the floor a few feet behind Patricia. As predicted, the younger girl jumped about a foot in the air with a loud shriek of fear.

"Peeves, is that you? Knock it off you annoying git!" Black demanded angrily, whirling around in time with Jamie and Patricia to face a specter that wasn`t there.

"What now? They aren`t going to run away over some little thing like that." Snape whispered, his lips almost touching Lupin`s vanilla and wood smoke scented hair. His hands were clenched almost white knuckled on the edges of the invisibility cloak to hold it in place.

"Now that bucket of ice water meant for me gets poured on them instead. Unless you have any better suggestions?" Remus had to tilt her face to look up in to his obsidian hued eyes with her eyebrows raised to match her matter of fact, amused tone.

"Actually yeah, I do. Turn the ice water in to maple syrup. Then they have to leave to go wash it off and take a shower instead of just using a Quick Dry spell on their hair and clothes." Lupin gave him an impressed look.

"Wow. That`s evil. And perfect. Good idea." She smirked at him and the blush he`d worn that had faded came back full force. It was one of the rare times Severus had been complimented by a schoolmate his own age. The Lupin girl made a gesture with her hands and spoke a quick spell that transfigured the contents of the floating bucket in to syrup. She let Snape have the honor of tipping the bucket over with a wave of his wand. The would-be pranksters of Gryffindor House squealed and screeched in panic and disgust as they were all covered in the sticky, sugary goo.

"DAMN IT PEEVES YOU BASTARD!" Serenity Black howled, attempting to wipe the syrup from her eyes. The skinny witch`s face was beet red with rage and indignation as she and the other two girls stormed towards the lavatories back the way they had come, trailing syrup as they went. After barely managing to suppress their laughter, Snape and Lupin both burst out laughing after Potter, Black, and Pettigrew had gone. Remus collapsed against the stone wall laughing so hard her eyes were watering, and Severus was bent double and clutching his shaking sides.

"Bloody hell that was excellent!" The slender, tanned Gryffindor managed to gasp as she wiped away tears of amusement.

"That`s probably the funniest thing I`ve ever seen. Black`s face was priceless!" Severus had to push his jaw length hair from his face and relearn how to breathe. He straightened slightly, one hand still on his knee for support. His unexpected partner in crime couldn`t seem to stop snickering as he looked over at her. "How are you laughing so hard about that? I just dumped maple syrup on your friends. You`re not mad at me at all?" The boy`s tone was curious and cautious at the same time.

"Heavens no! That was hilarious. They totally deserved it, they were going to gang up and prank me just as quickly." The girl replied, shaking her head slightly and running a hand through her auburn streaked brown hair. She bent to scoop up her book satchel, which she had dropped by accident while laughing. Snape watched her with a mixture of surprise and interest as he too stooped to retrieve the nearly forgotten invisibility cloak from the stone brick floor.

"You`re going to tell them it was me though, aren`t you? They`ll come after me for revenge now." Snape guessed and frowned slightly as his humor dissipated.

"Why would I do that? They think it was the poltergeist Peeves. I say go ahead and let them think what they want to." She watched him watching her, and wasn`t surprised he didn`t trust her after all that had happened over previous years.

"Call me crazy, but I thought your group liked making my life difficult and joyless. I was pretty sure at least Potter hates my guts." He packed the cloak away in his schoolbag, there wasn`t much need for it now since Lupin already knew he was here.

Remus shook her head slowly, frowning as well now. "Not really. At least I don`t. Jamie`s a bitch to you because she wanted in your pants, and when she first started dating Lyle Evans to make you jealous you didn`t notice her how she wanted you to. Serenity plays pranks on everyone, and she goes overboard more often than not. It`s not just you, we all play tricks on each other too. Given, she`s worse to you because she idolizes Jamie and Jamie doesn`t like you anymore. Pat pretty much goes with whatever those two do, but I never had a problem with you until you called Lyle a Mudblood for trying to help you that time Jamie was bullying you at the Lake. Other than for that I don`t dislike you at all actually." She was being completely honest; even when Snape had first found out she was a werewolf by accident and threatened to tell everyone about it because he was scared he had reacted the same as she thought most anyone else would in that situation.

Lupin`s blunt honesty took Severus aback; he hadn`t expected her to be so forthcoming. She had brought up one of his worst memories, but not as he had thought she might. He and Lyle Evans had been best friends and neighbors as children. Lyle was a Muggleborn and had also been the only other child with magic in their neighborhood. They had both begun to show their magic around the same time, and had met at a park one day and become nearly inseparable. They had been like brothers in their youth. At Hogwarts they had been sorted in to different Houses, and made different friends that didn`t necessarily see eye to eye. One thing had lead to another and Lyle had developed a crush on Jamie Potter, who seemed hell-bent on becoming a thorn in Severus`s side thereafter. Potter had taken one prank too far and Severus had (foolishly) let his stubborn pride come between his and Lyle`s then tenuous friendship. He`d hurt his once close friend badly enough that they hadn`t really spoken since, and Snape still to this day felt awful about it, but Severus was certain that Lyle would accept no apology from him even if he tried to make amends. Snape was pulled from his reverie by the look Lupin was giving him. She wore an expression that was a blend of inquisitiveness, sadness, and neutrality.

"I never meant what I said to Lyle. For the record, I don`t really give a rat`s hindquarters if he`s a Muggleborn. I`m only a half blood, it`s not like I have room to talk. How was I supposed to know Potter had a thing for me when all she ever did was talk down to me? Her I don`t like for obvious reasons, and Black`s about the same. Pettigrew I pity, but Lyle has always been a decent person, and once a good friend. You I never figured out. Out of that group of prats I suppose you`re the most tolerable. You`ve never gone out of your way to be cruel to me, and you`ve never actually hurt me up until last year when you bit me." He told Lupin, figuring he`d try for the truth too. Come to think of it, beyond scaring the bloody hell out of him last year and taking a bite out of his forearm on the full moon Severus had nothing against the girl. If he could find a way to be friends with Lyle again, he would probably do so as well.

Remus raised her eyebrows and shrugged, shouldering her bag once more. She looked regretful now. "Thanks, I think. I`m a bit surprised you noticed. I don`t like hurting people. Harmless pranks are all well and good, but I don`t want to see anyone bleed, or make them cry. I certainly never meant to attack you last year, but 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' as my mother would say. Hold it against me if you want, but it`s not like I planned it." She sighed quietly, serious once more, and took a step in the direction of the Gryffindor common room as she sensed their conversation drawing to a close.

The teen wizard in dark robes called softly after her a few moments later as she had begun to walk away. "I don`t, you know. Hold it against you, that is." He`d shocked himself by admitting that, and quickly turned to head in the opposite direction which was towards the dungeons. Somewhat stunned; the uniform-clad witch peered back over her shoulder and stared after him. "See you around then." Her surprised tone was quiet, but Remus knew the strange young man had heard her when he ducked his head as he walked and refused to look back. She still hadn`t figured out why he`d been following her.


	2. Growing Pains

Chapter Two: Growing Pains

Serenity Black groaned for what must have been the hundredth time in the last hour. She, Remus, Jamie, and Pat had confined themselves to the school library at Remus`s suggestion. They had just gotten their grades yesterday on a test that covered everything their Potions class had been going over for the last two weeks. Unsurprisingly, Serenity was failing again and Jamie and Pat were barely passing. Remus had close to top marks; as usual she had been the only one to study properly. Patricia had been nearly in tears when she had seen her grade, and Remus had rolled her eyes at Potter and Black`s lack of preparation. The plump little Pettigrew had been the one to beg Remus to help them all out with a cram session at the library. As it were the rat animagus was awful at potion making, since she could never recall which herbs looked like what. She consistently mistook one plant for another, and sometimes she couldn`t seem to tell powdered unicorn horn from pixie dust. Remus on the other hand excelled at Herbology, Potions, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. Some of this was natural talent, but mostly her grades were good because she took the time to actually read the textbooks they were given and practiced a good deal. Serenity and Jamie weren`t dumb by any means, but they were usually too busy making trouble and cutting class to keep their grades up. Headmaster Dumbledore had even made Remus a Prefect for Gryffindor House in hopes that she would reign in her friends, which had quite sadly backfired. Remus thought it likely that trolls would stop smelling like raw sewage before those girls stopped playing pranks. Nevertheless; Serenity, Jamie, and Pat were her friends, and she agreed to help them. (Although not without them owing her a butterbeer the next time they went to Hogsmeade.)

"Quit complaining, you got yourself in to this mess." Lupin admonished as Serenity made a face at her. She herself was sitting next to Patricia, and had been using flash cards to quiz her.

"Ugh, it`s so boring though! How do you do this every week? I can practically feel the life being drained out of me. Don`t you agree Doe?" The brunette asked the other dark haired girl. Jamie looked up from where she`d been reviewing Remus`s notes and rolled her eyes.

"Yes, these books are like vampires." She flicked her untidy bangs from her a pair of eyes as blue as the sky. Potter was sprawled on her stomach on the floor wearing a pair of cargo pants and a long sleeved red shirt with a snitch embroidered on the front. The deer animagus at least was making an effort to study, despite her dedication to hating doing so. Black huffed at her friend`s response and slid out of the armchair she`d been hunched up in to lie on the floor as well. As she stretched she grumbled at Remus;

"I wish you`d just let me copy off your tests. We could be out playing Quidditch right now instead of stuck here in this dusty old place."

The werewolf looked over at Black indignantly "I happen to like this 'dusty old place'. There`s not even a tiny chance I`d let you copy off me, Seri. You want some cheese with that whine? I`m only doing this since I want you guys to be able to pass your classes. On your own, I might add. I`m not the one who didn`t do their homework because she was too busy hiding dung bombs in peoples` desks. You said you wanted to become an Auror one day right?" Lupin was fixing Serenity with her 'cut the crap' stare as she waited for a response.

Frowning, Serenity rolled on to her back and crossed her arms over her ample chest. She eyed Remus curiously. "Yeah, okay. I _do_ want to be an Auror. But what does that have to do with knowing how to make a sleeping draft? I`m gonna be out there slinging charms at bad guys and throwing punches. When am I going to need a sleeping potion?" She`d sat up and had been demonstrating punching someone`s lights out while grinning at her pal.

"What happens when you see something really bad and have nightmares so horrifying you can`t rest at night? Or when one of the 'bad guys' you`ve put away escapes and comes looking for you, and you`re too paranoid to sleep? How about if you find someone who`s been poisoned and can`t tell the different between the antitoxin and a polyjuice potion? It`s not all fun and games, Padfoot. I hate to sound like a nag, but you really need to know about this stuff or you`ll get yourself, or someone else hurt, or worse. I don`t want to be burying one of my best friends a few years down the road because she was too foolhardy and reckless to learn the basics now." The last bit was said in an almost pleading tone, and Remus`s hot chocolate gaze held worry. She had seen the Aurors and some of the things they had to deal with. As a child she`d been saved by them when Death Eaters had attacked her home, killed her father, and Fenrir Greyback had taken her own humanity away. When Remus thought of Serenity becoming an Auror and 'fighting the bad guys', she also thought of how dangerous it was. Not every hero came out unscathed, and not everyone lived long enough to become a hero. Jamie, Pat, and Serenity were all staring at Lupin now. They knew about her childhood, and they knew exactly what she was talking about. Jamie and Patricia had the same worries; that their friend would get hurt. Jamie had resolved herself to become an Auror long ago, and Serenity had jumped on the band wagon with that idea because she thought it was a good plan and couldn`t see herself being happier working anywhere else than with one of her best friends. Pat wasn`t really sure what she wanted to do; only that it should involve working with animals since she was surprisingly brilliant when it came to caring for magical creatures. Remus figured she wanted to either be a sort of Healer or maybe a teacher. In past years the group had discussed their dreams as if they still lay on some distant horizon, but now with sixth year beginning and their OWLs out of the way some of the Marauders had begun to think about how to achieve those dreams. They only had this year and next before they would all graduate, be thrust out into that great wide world, and be expected to survive on what they had learned at Hogwarts. Lupin was concerned that some of her friends, especially Serenity, wouldn`t be ready for what was to come.

"Chill Moony, I get you now. I didn`t give that stuff much thought before. I`ll work harder, and as much as I hate the idea; I`ll try to study more often so you don`t have to worry so much." Seri soothed, rubbing the back of her own neck as if she were ashamed at her earlier behavior. Moony was so serious sometimes, on occasion it bugged Black but she knew in the end that her friend was only trying to look out for her. Remus was probably the most mature of the group; she was always trying to look out for all of them. Serenity hated to let the werewolf down. She stopped fidgeting with the sleeves of her hooded sweatshirt and settled in to finish reading the chapters she was behind on, now resigned.

"You really should stop worrying like that so much, Remus." Pettigrew spoke up, nudging her tutor`s elbow and trying to lighten the mood. "You`re going to get gray hairs before you hit 20 at this rate."

"You guys are going to be the ones responsible for them, I`ll have you know. I`m never going to need to meet a man and have children, when I have you lot around to deal with." Remus joked as she calmed a bit. When Jamie swatted her shin from her position on the floor as if offended, the younger witch looked down. Potter was giving her a half-assed smirk that said she agreed with Pat. Remus stuck her tongue out at the girl with the glasses and resumed quizzing Patricia with the flash cards once more. They were making progress finally.

From a few tables over in a dimly lit corner Severus Snape listened to and spied on the Marauders as he pretended to read a book. Lucius Malfoy occupied an overstuffed leather armchair next to him. The handsome blonde Slytherin had been amusing himself playing a game of wizarding chess with a House mate named Alexander Carrow. The three weren`t particular friends, but as they were all in the same House and shared classes they had a tendency to spend a good deal of time together. Carrow snickered mirthfully as one of his bishops beheaded Malfoy`s pawn, and Lucius snorted in amusement as the fifteen year old fell for his trap and saw the same bishop trampled by the other student`s knight. Snape was putting on a good show of being absorbed in his book about astronomy as he ignored his House mates and watched Lupin and her friends from the corner of his eye.

_She seems normal enough sitting over there like that, studying with those Marauders. You`d never know she wasn`t human if you hadn`t seen it. _Snape was musing silently to himself as he observed. What was he looking for? A sign. Any sort of sign that something was out of the ordinary about Remus Lupin. Since the end of the previous school year he`d been having strange dreams with her in them. Some were pleasant, but some of the nightmares were truly awful. He`d dreamed and had nightmares involving the Marauders before, but these were different. They felt as if they belonged to someone else, almost as if they were more memory than fantasy or fear. Every detail was so vivid, and sometimes even when he was awake Severus had begun to feel as if he were lucid dreaming. All of this had started the night that Lupin had bitten him. Severus had not been infected with lycanthropy; he was no more a werewolf than he was a Hufflepuff. But something had happened that night, he knew. As abstract and inexplicable as it were, Snape couldn`t put his finger on what it was that drew him to Lupin. Drawn to her he was though, like a moth to a flame. It bothered him, and he wanted to know why and how such a thing had come about. The Slytherin absently rubbed at the pale white scars that circled his right forearm just above the wrist with his free hand. Noticing the motion; he quickly stopped it and pulled the sleeves of his black turtleneck down to cover the marks. He shivered slightly and frowned, suddenly irritated with himself. _Why don`t you just ask her,_ he questioned himself mentally. _Oh, right, because you don`t want to admit you`ve had her stuck in your head all bloody summer. That would be embarrassing._ Severus made a face as his brain imagined how that scenario would play out. _Hey, Lupin. I`ve been dreaming about you all summer. If it`s some kind of curse or spell you`re using on me I can`t figure it out. The doctors and nurses at St. Mungo`s checked me out said it`s just 'trauma' and that it has nothing to do with magic. My muggle father wants to send me to a mental hospital because apparently I`m talking about werewolves in my sleep, and Dumbledore is convinced I have some kind of survivors crush on you. How do I make it stop?_ Severus shuddered at the thought of how the girl would react to that. He already didn`t have many friends, if this got out he wouldn`t have any and he`d be the laughing stock of the school until he graduated.

"Are you cold, Snape?" Malfoy asked the other sixteen year old, looking up from the game of chess as he noticed Snape shiver. His piercing gray eyes were more critical than concerned.

"No! I`m just disgusted at how badly you two play chess." Severus snapped back as he abruptly dropped his book in his schoolbag and stood. He headed for the door, needing some fresh air to clear his head and apparently his nose. He hadn`t noticed it before, but as he brushed past Lupin and the other Marauders he realized that he`d been smelling the scent of her shampoo since he`d followed her group in to the library earlier. What made him more irritable was the fact that as he strode by Lupin herself his heartbeat sped up just a notch and his neck tingled as it had last week when she had whispered in his ear while they were hiding from her friends in the hallway. His face burned as he flung open the heavy wooden door to the library and headed for the front doors of the castle.

"What`s his problem?" Carrow asked Lucius, astonished at the other boy`s outburst and apparently spontaneous anger.

"I`m not sure." Malfoy replied, running a hand through his platinum colored locks in bewilderment. He added, "But he was reading that book upside down the entire time he was in here with us, didn`t you notice?" Alexander shrugged and raised his thick eyebrows. Malfoy shook his head and turned his attention back to the chess board. "Never mind."


End file.
